Meh.

I have never hated school more than I hate it now. I’m so close to graduating, to moving to bigger and better things, and yet here I am thinking that I should drop out, change my name, and start my life over. I wake up in the morning, come to school, sleep through government, struggle through AP lit, sit in the back of the class I TA, doing nothing, and then going through the hell that is Physics 111. But I can’t escape, I’m trapped in this bucket of shit I’ve made for myself.

I’m failing physics right now. I can’t get my grade up in time for finals. I’m screwed, completely. Last year I enjoyed physics, it made sense, it was fun. This year, for whatever reason, I simply CANNOT get it, no matter how hard I try. I take the notes, I do the studying, and yet, I fuck up. Constantly. Oh, hey, btw, there’s a project due next hour that I haven’t even started. I thought it was due next Monday. Yet another thing to add to my long list of stupid mistakes that lead to me failing physics, losing my AIMS scholarship, and completely fucking up my future. And for what? Rotational physics?

I’m destroying my future and there’s nothing I can do to stop myself at this point; I’m in too deep, even I can’t help myself out of it.😦

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~ by Ryan Rix on 2 November 2009.

One Response to “Meh.”

  1. Wow, what an EMO moment. I feel ya’ though. It’s tough losing a scholarship and it’s even tougher… toughing out the last months of high school. Don’t worry though, the scope of your current predicament isn’t a total crap shoot.

    There are tons of opportunities to makeup for lost time. Look at me. I didn’t finish college (44 credits), yet I’m making $60k+ (not the real number, but it’s around there) supporting a family of 4. In fact I’m totally jealous that you’ve been able to make this much progress while IN high school. All my tech exploration happened afterwards.

    Keep hangin’ tough bro. You’ll get through it just fine.

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